How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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