50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
