hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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