My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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