i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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