so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
