As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
