Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i've created a new STD.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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