i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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