OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
