never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
