Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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