oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
