I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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