My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
