only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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