Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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