It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All the doctor said was why
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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