..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
