I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize