And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
