So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
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i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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