Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
