well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
