Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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