It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
