sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
