Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
