he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
