I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
