I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
