You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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