Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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