turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Two words: blizzard sex
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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