12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
