This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
