Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
