i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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