When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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