I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
