like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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