i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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