This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
