you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think my vagina is haunted
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
