I want to make a zoo with you.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
