I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
