so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
