smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
