I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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