i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
