If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
