Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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