she takes plan B like it's going out of style
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
