I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
