and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize