btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
