i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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