I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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