i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
