i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
