he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize