I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
