If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
