You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I puked a lego.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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