Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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