He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sorry about my life...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
