so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
