I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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