it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
