it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
