i permit you to call me
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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