I heard we made out
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
