The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
