She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
