you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
