So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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