i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
