Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I will pee on everything he values.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
