whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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