As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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