Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
